Holiday Program!

Aisling has had a string of bad days at school. They have implemented a red-yellow-green system for behavior, with each color having the corresponding face drawn on them, and tucked into envelopes with each child's name. Aisling has had several red days at school. When we ask her what happens, she gives a typical "I don't know" answer because she thinks she's going to get into more trouble. Also, she doesn't want to talk about it because she knows we will talk long to her about it. We need to learn to shorten our discussions but it's hard to get the message just right in the time she is really open and listening to our discussion. The biggest problem seems to be a girl in her classroom whom is very outgoing, and also impulsive. Aisling has latched on to her since she says the other girls won't play with her because she gets her feelings hurt and cries. So we're trying to work with Aisling on controlling those impulses and get control of her behavior - because we don't want her to be attracted to "trouble" personalities that lead her down the wrong path.

We did talk to her teacher, who said that yes, Aisling cries easily because she is sensitive. She mentioned that all the kids know each other's hot buttons and therefore keep pushing them once they know they've hurt someone else's feelings. They do say they aren't friends with each other when they don't feel like playing with a particular person, which the teachers are trying to work on. She didn't think that Aisling's behavior or social skills were lacking, but that's just a phase they were all going through right now.

So we were able to relax a little about this, and change the focus to enjoying her holiday program. Grandma picked Aisling up from school, got her dinner, and got her ready for the program. We rushed home to get the camera and a diaper bag for William, then met them up at school. It was a pretty quick program - all of the kids in Aisling's classroom got red noses to be Rudolph, and they sang Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, as well as the Reindeer Hokey Pokey. It was truly cute! She had a few cookies and some punch, then spent some time running around the walking track and the gymnasium.

We came home and took our holiday pictures. There are two wonderful, spontaneous pictures of her and William that Chuck captured. They are the essence of Christmas to me.

Visit with Santa!

It was that time of the year to make our annual visit to Santa! But first, we had to get our H1N1 vaccines. Aisling and I both rushed over to Parkway Central where we were pleased to find out that we qualified for the nasal vaccine, which was a far shorter line! Aisling did not really like the nasal vaccine - it burned a little and made her nose drip. She told me she'd rather have a shot, which I found amusing.

Aisling had been planning for a few weeks what she was going to ask for. On her list: a sparkly pink guitar with purple butterflies; a pink princess shirt; a princess Barbie; and a paintball gun. That's our girl!

We planned to meet up at the Mills Mall with Ainsley and Melissa, so we could do our usual group photo. It was more complicated this time, since we added William to the mix. I felt bad that Ainsley ended up sitting to the side with William and Aisling on Santa's knees. I wanted her to be between them, between Santa's knees but that seemed to awkward. They didn't seem to mind, though.

Aisling gave her goofiest smiles - she really doesn't know how to be natural in front of the camera. I understand this - I'm the same way! But we got a few great ones. She was so intent on telling Santa her list that she never looked at the photographer. I didn't mind - I told him to go ahead and take a picture of her telling Santa what she wanted - that was more sweet to me than the posed picture.

After we got the pictures taken care of, we ate lunch at Subway and Aisling and Ainsley got a treat of a carousel ride. Aisling was in heaven! She had a bit of a hard time leaving the mall, though, but she was tired and I think ultimately she felt it was ok to go. She fell asleep in the car on the way home - but of course wouldn't think of taking a nap once we were home!

"I'm very sad!"

As I write this, Aisling is in her bed crying herself to sleep.

Why? Because like most 4 1/2 year olds, she is having a hard time listening and following directions. If it's not her way, then it's cause for serious meltdown. It's the quest for independence, but its frustrating beyond all belief for both her and us.

I hope that when she has a chance to read this, maybe when she's a preteen, or maybe when she's a teen...or maybe not until she's an adult, she will understand why we are "mean" to her right now. It's an effort to keep her from becoming a self-centered brat. It's because we love her and want her to be well liked and respected, and to not be an outsider looking in. It's because we know she has a huge heart and wants to be a grown up girl who can influence the decisions we make with her and about her. But like most kids she's going about it the wrong way. And with the addition of William, and time and financial resources being really tight, its critical more now than it ever was that she learn to respect adults, follow directions, and use her brain to think about consequences of her actions.

Tonight I had a simple instruction - brush your teeth. She argued, she didn't want to go to bed. We went back and forth and I warned her that she was going to have to put herself to bed. She didn't heed the warning. I told her finally that she was going to have to put herself to bed, and she launched into a huge meltdown, including jumping up and down and screaming. Chuck came upstairs and had to raise his voice to her, and eventually had to spank her to get her to stop escalating in the tantrum. Ultimately she did calm down, and went to clean up her face. She begged us to read her a story as is our usual routine. That led into the conversation about consequences. It's hard to know if she gets it and understands or if she thinks we're just mean.

I went into her bedroom after putting William down, and brushed her hair away from her face. It was still wet with tears, and she was sniffling. I kissed her and told her that I was heartbroken that we couldn't read to her tonight. She said she was heartbroken too. I asked why, and she said, "Because you are mean to me." It's devastating to have your child tell you this - you want them to always feel loved and happy and secure that there are reasons you do what you do.

So Aisling, as you are reading this, remember that we do love you, and we love you so much that we want you to be a happy, healthy, well-liked adult. This requires us to do things that hurt your feelings and make you think the opposite - that we are mean and controlling. We know you are a super sensitive, loving, strong willed and incredibly smart girl who wants to control your own destiny. We're trying to let you, in safe ways, but it isn't always possible. The worst thing is, it's going to get harder before it gets better. Your teenage years are going to be tough. But we'll get through it, and it never changes one fact for us - you are our beautiful daughter and we will go to the ends of the earth for you, if you walk with us, not against or away from us.

Social skills

Life is returning to some semblance of normal for everyone in the house. Hooray!

Aisling has transitioned to her new classroom extremely well. As a matter of fact, she was so excited to go to her pre-K room that instead of clinging to Chuck like she used to at drop off, she runs over to get a book and sit on the carpet just like everyone else. Sometimes she doesn't even give him a kiss goodbye. Such a switch!

The defiance, sassiness and talking back has finally decreased significantly. It took awhile for her to understand what talking back was and why it's so unacceptable. We had to put her in lots of timeouts in her bedroom and leave her kicking and screaming at the top of her lungs, but it did the trick. She realized that was not the way to get our attention and that being ignored was worse than anything. We're just so glad to have her more back to normal and being our sweet girl.

We're seeing a step forward in her social skills that makes us very happy. At the playground she and Ainsley almost melted down over a difference in opinion on how to play princess. Specifically, who would be queen and who would be the princess. Both wanted to be the princess of course, because no one likes to be the evil queen! They both came to us and pleaded for us to make a decision, and we all said no. Chuck suggested they sit down and talk about it and work it out. So they did! Between the two of them they negotiated a compromise- one girl would be princess then the other would have a turn. Then off and running they went to play!

It seems so simple of a concept but it's a major step to getting them to work it out. It's very tiring to referee conflict all the time, especially when they are taking turns tattling on each other. It's fun to see the girls maturing!

Party on!

This was a busy party weekend! On Friday night we went over to Jenn and Bill's house to see our friends from college, which was so fun. All of us have kids, or have kids on the way, so the kids had a great time playing. Ava, Carter, Anthony, Aisling...and William....raised the roof with the volume. But they had a great time. Aisling is showing us she can be very social and use great manners with her friends, even though they don't always do the same for her. It's hard to sit by and let them work it out, but that's what we do. And often we have to talk to Aisling later about why we didn't intervene, or why a kid acted a particular way. In doing so we remind her that she's not always the best at using her manners with friends either!

On Saturday we attended Kate's graduation party. Kate doesn't like to be the center of attention but she appeared to have a great time at her party. :) Aisling loved the attention of all the grownups, and we even spent some time playing duck duck goose with her and a few other games. She really got in to telling her older cousins some stories....she's so mischevious!

We're seeing a little decrease in the defiance and sassiness of the past few weeks, which is a welcome change. We'll keep working on it, and she will too. She's moving into the Daisy classroom and I think that will help her tremendously.

Adjustments

Aisling loves her little brother. End of story.

Aisling does not like her parents right now.

William came home on June 1st and although he's settled right in, and Aisling has settled right in to having him around, she is testing every single rule and expectation to see if they still hold true now that he's around. She has thrown more severe tantrums, been more sassy and defiant, and done more backtalking than we have ever seen before.

I understand where she's coming from. She used to be the focus of our family, she used to have our undivided attention, and now things are not quite the same. She's still getting attention, but she's ensuring she gets it by behaving any way she can. Bless her heart, we hope she starts to realize that she's still getting our attention and love, it's easier to receive it when she's doing what's expected. It's going to take some time, clearly...but we can't wait for her to return to her old self.

She has some other changes coming her way, too. Some of her friends in her classroom have transitioned to the pre-K (Daisy) classroom, and she's still in the Daffodil room. Now there are 3 year olds in her classroom and the behavior they bring as young threes is appropriate for their age, but frustrating for her age. We did receive a note that she will be transitioning in the next week to be a Daisy, so she is excited about that, and we are relieved. There is more structure in the pre-K classroom, and she needs that right now. Transitions have never been easy for her, so we hope this will go ok.

Some pictures from various events this week!

Aisling is a big sister!

On Saturday, May 30th, at 10:46am Aisling became a big sister to William Greyson Renner!

I woke up at 6:30am wondering how I was going to spend another day overdue. Ten minutes later I had a contraction and thought, wow - that kind of hurt! The next one was 6 minutes later, and then they became 3-4 minutes apart. Grandma arrived to take Aisling at 8:15 and we left for the hospital at 8:30am. Aisling still maintained that she would be having a little sister as we left.

Chuck called Grandma around 11am to let her know that she had a new grandson. Grandma told Aisling it was a little boy, and apparently Aisling was absolutely devastated. According to Grandma she threw herself over a chair and sobbed, "no!!!". Grandma tried to comfort her and decided to take her to McDonald's for lunch to soften the blow. She put on her "I'm a Big Sister" shirt she got from her Sibling Class. A woman at McDonald's apparently noticed and asked if she became a big sister today, so Aisling said yes. Grandma explained that Aisling really wanted a little sister after Aisling told the woman it was a little boy. The woman apparently talked up having a little brother to Aisling, which made her feel a little better.

They stopped in at the gift shop in the hospital where Aisling picked out a beautiful flower arrangement for me, and a teddy bear for William. She came running into the room with a sweet smile on her face and showed off what she brought for us. She wanted to see the baby right away, so I pulled her up onto the bed with me. She was very disturbed by my IV and wanted to know what it was and what was in it. I explained it to her and showed her where they stuck me 2 other times before they got it working. She was very careful not to bump it. The nurses brought the baby down form the nursery and Aisling got situated in my lap to hold him. As soon as she saw him I think she fell in love. She explored every facial feature, and his hands, and his hair, and gave him sweet little kisses.

Aisling was surprised to receive gifts for becoming a big sister. She received one from her baby brother (which had the added bonus of keeping her occupied to some degree), and some other gifts from her favorite cousin Heather. She wanted to open all of William's gifts, too! She and Chuck left after dinnertime - I think she was happy to be headed home to get some sleep. She really kept it together as good as she could.

She came back up to the hospital with Chuck on Sunday before lunch. She was excited to see me and William, but also had a severe case of ants in the pants. Who could blame her? I was bored sitting around the hospital all day. Grandma and Grandpa Salisbury came in to meet William and stayed a majority of the day. She was excited to see them, and wanted them to come see her new big girl bedroom. She did learn how to comfort William and see if he was hungry by putting her (clean) finger in his mouth. After that she wanted to put her finger in his mouth ALL the time! She got to watch some movies while I caught up on a little sleep with William. We told her I would be coming home on Monday while she was at school, and she was happy to hear that.

She decided she was going to wear her "I'm a Big Sister" shirt to school on Monday so she could share the news with all her friends and teachers. She seems to be taking the new addition really well, although I'm sure there will be a few bumps along the way.